blog #4 - 11.8.24

i find it funny the only thing that keeps me sane is the internet
yet the internet is the reason why i cant be happy
its a problem
every day all day screen time insanity
i know its bad i know its my fault but i cant stop
its like theres something i need
i feel like myself like someone who can do what they do
its different in a way from the real world
its more comforting, it feels like i can always come back when i need
but i yearn for something
maybe its the attention, maybe its not being alone
theres always a doubt somewhere in my head
a doubt that i dont matter
a doubt that no one cares
a doubt that i am just part of someone elses world
a doubt that i will never find purpose

one thing i can say about real life
an activity you do
somethign to ease the mind rather than the internet
its tiring but
its a time where nothing else in the day, nothing else that happened anywhere anytime
something you can just focus on, something you can use to ease the anxiety
my dad always said he loves doing these things
"its a time to missplace your woes and put your mind somewhere else"
im glad i have him
im glad i have my mom
im glad i have my sister
at least they care